You amaze me! You are always smiling and appear to be at peace with your world. You are healthy and physically fit. I’ll bet you never binge eat or sleep too much. I am certain that you begin each new day with Bible study and prayer. You are full of good works. Your kids are well-adjusted and happy. Your home, yard, and vehicle are always tidy. You are never late for an appointment and always get a perfect report on dental exams. Your paperwork is neatly filed, bills are paid on time, birthday cards are sent to arrive on the correct dates, and your computer cooperates with you no matter what you ask it to do. On job evaluations, you always get a checkmark on “Exceeds expectations.” You never lose your temper or snap angrily at a family member.

You remember all the things you need to remember and have no need of lists. You never waste time, bite your fingernails, judge another person harshly, or doubt any of God’s promises. You have no problem setting boundaries, so other people are always respectful of your time. You speak clearly and say exactly what you intend to say in a clear and understandable way. You are confident of your ability to accomplish all that is asked of you. You set goals, make plans, stay focused and always succeed.

Furthermore, you have been this way all your life, so you have no need for regret. You don’t dread tomorrow because you know you are well prepared. Nothing sneaks up on you and catches you off-guard because you are diligent and vigilant and never negligent.

Your friends marvel at your poise. You are naturally smart. Making decisions is not difficult for you. You never make a wrong turn or wander aimlessly for half an hour trying to find a friend’s house. If trouble threatens, you know exactly what to do to remedy the situation and you do it without procrastinating. Should you detect a bad habit starting to take hold in your life, you nip it in the bud.

You never waste time or do a slipshod job at any project you undertake. If you sew, your seams are always straight, collar corners are turned sharply, and zippers are put in flawlessly. Neither your crochet projects nor your plans ever unravel. Your piecrusts are always flaky, your roast beef is served medium rare, your vegetables are cooked to perfection and you never let anything boil over and make a mess on your stovetop.

You are the poster child for self-control, humility, tireless service and unquestioning obedience to your God. Beside the dictionary entry for “perfection,” your picture is displayed.

What’s that? Are you telling me that this does not describe you? You say you don’t always have your head on straight, your priorities in order and your ducks in a row? Whew! What a relief! Come and be my friend.