Given my tendency to lose things, mishandle situations, and in general come up short, I wonder, if I had been in the sandals of these Bible characters, what I would have said.

If I had been Noah: “The chimpanzees! Where are the chimpanzees? They were hanging in this tree just a minute ago. Shem, go find those chimps, and don’t come home without them!”

If I had been Moses’ mother: “I just saw that jar of pitch yesterday. Miriam, have you been playing in the tar again?”

If I had been David: “I would love to go to the palace and play for the king but I’ve lost my harp. I know I had it in the pasture yesterday but today I can’t find it anywhere. I’m thinking maybe a wolf or bear carried it away.”

If I had been Solomon: “Does anyone know how to create a spreadsheet? How can I be expected to keep tract of all these women? I’ve misplaced twelve just this month!”

If I had been Jael, Heber’s wife: “Where is an extra tent spike when you need one?”

If I had been Gideon: “Where is that fleece?”

If I had been Samson: “I can find a thousand jawbones of donkeys when I don’t need one but now that I do, I can’t put my hand on a single one!”

If I had been Delilah: “Where did I put my scissors?”

If I had been Daniel in Babylon: “Where in the world is that piece of cauliflower? I was saving it for my dessert.”

If I had been Jonah, “What have I done with that listing of ships’ arrivals and departures?”

If I had been John the Baptist: “My mother told me if I didn’t take better care of my clothes one day I would have nothing to wear.”

If I had been Mary in the stable at Bethlehem: “Joseph, have you seen those swaddling clothes? I thought for sure I packed them in the saddle bag before we left home.”

If I had been Peter after Jesus’ death: “I knew I would one day regret throwing away my fishing nets.”