(THIS MORNING, AT HOME)
Debbie: Dan, I’m washing a load of whites with bleach.
Debbie: Do you have anything you want to toss in?
(Dan tosses in a white t-shirt.)
Dan: I thought you said you were washing whites.
Debbie: I am.
Dan: Whites with bleach.
Debbie: I am.
Dan: Then why is a brown towel in the washer?
Debbie: The bleach won’t hurt it.
Dan: But why is a brown towel in the washer with the whites?
Debbie: Because it’s dirty??
Dan: Will you please just answer my question?
Debbie: I did answer your question.
Dan: No, you didn’t.
Debbie: The brown towel is dirty. The bleach won’t hurt it.
Dan: But why are you washing it in bleach water with whites?
Debbie: I wash all our towels in bleach water with whites.
Dan: Okay. Thank you. Geesh.
(LAST WEEK, IN GATLINBURG)
Dan: Why didn’t you bring your other shoes to Gatlinburg?
Debbie: What other shoes?
Dan: The ones you bought before we went to Alaska.
Debbie: Oh, I just brought these instead.
Dan: I know. Why?
Debbie: Because the ones I bought to wear in Alaska are clunky.
Dan: You bought them to wear in Alaska if we hiked.
Debbie: I know.
Dan: Didn’t you think we might hike in Gatlinburg?
Debbie: Not on icy tundra.
Dan: They’re good hiking shoes for anywhere.
Debbie: Maybe so, but they’re still clunky.
Dan: They’re waterproof and have gripping soles.
Debbie: That’s what I said. They’re clunky.
Dan: Perfect shoes for Gatlinburg.
Debbie: I brought these instead.
THERE. THAT’S THE DEFINITION OF RETIREMENT.