I enjoyed a wonderful Christmas season.
The best part of the holiday was spending time with my family. Have I mentioned I have grandkids?
But, as is always the case, (except in Christmas movies) I didn’t get everything I wanted.
You, good readers, are not responsible for my failure to receive these gifts. You’re the best. The fact that you’re reading this proves it.
Nonetheless, I will discuss some gifts I hoped, but failed, to receive for Christmas.
- I wanted all loud, hiked-up, smoke-spewing pick-up trucks to be banned from our streets and highways. This didn’t happen. I am confused. How is it that in a country where the American flag is removed from an academic building because one student claimed its presence offended her, these offensive gas-guzzling, fume-exuding behemoths continue to exist, though they pollute the air and assault the ears of 100% of the population?
- I wanted people to stop punctuating every other statement with the phrase, “O my God!” It is the response uttered whether someone has just spied a luscious new color of nail polish or been offered a two-carat diamond ring from a lover on bended knee. If I move into a cave where no one can find me, it will be because I can no longer tolerate hearing this phrase.
- I had hoped a magical fairy, something like a useful version of the Elf on the Shelf, would visit my home and organize all my paperwork and computer files. Alas, that gift also failed to arrive.
- I wanted to regain my slim figure and my ability to remember names; wished all spam calls and junk emails would stop; and hoped someone would develop a delicious, fat-free, carb-free, calorie-free, vitamin-enriched chocolate brownie that tastes like one made from a Duncan Hines mix, but those were pipe dreams.
- I wanted people to start using turn signals EVERY TIME they plan to make a turn, but, again, no.
- I had hoped people would learn and practice the rules of good grammar. Let me simply say that the word seen is almost NEVER the second word in a sentence. Speakers should not say, “I seen,” or “He seen,” or even “The Elf on the Shelf seen.” Furthermore, they should not mix subjective case and objective case personal pronouns when . . . oh, well. Never mind.
I hope you got everything you wanted for Christmas.